The Post Partum Devil

We are not rich people dear. We are not even middle class for that matter. How can we afford a full time maid or nanny? You will have to manage kids on your own. Get a local day maid for cleaning etc. if you need.”  said my husband.

I can’t stay here any longer. If you are going to be this bitchy about everything & have everything your way anyways, why am I even needed here. I am leaving tomorrow” said my mom.

We can’t come & stay with you. We have our own lives also. We have better things to do in life than to take care of your girls.” said my Mother in law.

Oh! Poor you. God gave you twins, but both girls. I wish one of them was a boy.” said a random neighbor in our street.

What do you mean you are not able to produce enough milk? You must not be trying hard. Or are you giving formula as it’s so much more convenient compared to pains of breastfeeding?” said that lady in an online support group.

Are you even a good mother? Do you deserve to live? You should either kill yourself or run away with leaving no identity traces behind.” said my mind to me one day.

All this was happening when I was 20 days into motherhood.  Motherhood that I achieved after going through a painful & long treatment. Motherhood to beautiful twin girls who arrived into this world with the help of invasive & painful cesarean section surgery. Motherhood which at that point meant more than anything to me in this world.  And yet, I was not happy at all.

I was trying to keep very strong and a brave face. When my daughters were 3 weeks old & we had to take them to hospital for vaccination, I saw my gynecologist who had delivered my daughters in the hospital lobby and she came to me smiling and asked me, “How are you dear?” Next thing I knew is I was crying in a lobby full of not less than 50 strangers all staring at me! That’s when I realized something is wrong & I really need some help.

Now if I look back to those days I realize, the first step to combat depression is to accept the fact that you do have an issue that needs to be worked upon. If someone would have told me that “It’s just Post-Partum Blues and everyone goes through this phase. You don’t need any help.” I would have easily believed it. But thankfully I had sensible people around me who pushed me to get professional help, which I did. And counselling & treatment made me nothing but stronger & more balanced in long run. If I would have been surrounded by people who would have taken this issue casually or considered issues around mental & emotional health to be a taboo, I might have suffered a lot more & who knows how it could have ended.

So ladies, if you feel a slight doubt that you might be burning out with stress or emotional burden and you need professional help, don’t hesitate to talk to people around you & to some professionals who can help you out of this situation. It’s not a shame or taboo to have a mental illness, but it’s definitely wrong to live with it knowing that you deserve better & your family & loved ones deserve a happy & healthy you. So, the way we love our bodies & take care of it, let’s pledge to take care of our mental health as well from today on. However minor the issue seem to be, let’s not ignore it ever.

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24 Responses

  1. Very true. Mental health is taken v lightly in our society, especially for new moms. The picture painted to us about postpartum days is all candy floss and rainbows when that is not the reality. Postpartum depression is more common than v think and most women go without help. This is a good post, would have loved to read more about how the counseling helped in healing and the whole journey.

  2. I’m so sorry you went through all that and so proud that you got help! We need to encourage mothers to trust their instincts and get professional help when it gets too much… Mental health is also health and the logic of ‘its all in the mind’ is a very irresponsible way of looking at it! Full points to you and I really respect you for sharing your experience with other mothers. 🙂

    • Thanks Dear…. I know how scary it is and imagining anyone going through this brings back those horrible memories. Just doing my part as a responsible citizen of this world.

  3. swatiabhi says:

    True and it is too hard to fight depression 🙁

  4. It’s so true thankfully I belong to family of doctors where they are just too touchy about baby blues and they made all effort to take my mood swing and tantrum without being judgemental and understood my state .. But we need to talk about it more it happens but women are good at hiding infact we are made like that to hide our feelings

  5. Neha Jain says:

    I am happy that you are passed through this phase and here, sharing your story to help to-be-first-time-mommies. PPD is something, the world needs more awareness about.

  6. Fabulous Mom Life says:

    Post partum is a very trying time for moms I agree. I admit to breaking down several times too. I am really grateful to my husband for his unconditional love and support.

    • If we have a supportive spouse, all troubles are easy to tackle & overcome. Unfortunately despite of having a super supportive husband, the conditions were so unfavorable that everything seemed negative at that point in life.

  7. Richa says:

    Wow kudos to your husband. but i felt as if you wrote my story down though i had a full time helper but somehow there was loads of work and i felt helpless for lot many things.


  8. I had everything fair in my case, still I had depression because my husband was not around and I was staying with my in-laws with whom I had no as such bonding that time. It happens but I overcame it. And things were beautiful then. Love to your daughters 🙂

    • I cant even imagine that if at that point if my In laws were with me how difficult the situation would have further become, because with family who doesn’t live with you around, expressing the feeling gets more difficult.

  9. I can feel you mommy. Even with the best of support the hormones and sleepless nights play havoc with our minds and together the combination can be just awful for us new moms. It is so important to acknowledge the feeling and provide support. Hope more and more people became aware of this thing called PPD and that its not “just in your head” 🙁

  10. shubhadabhide says:

    PND is a terrible thing to experience for any mom. Recently, I ran one campaign to raise awareness on this topic. Great info you have provided. We all should support moms to fight with post-partum.

    Shub from

  11. Very very well written. At times I feel that I am still going through PPD, it is may be just mild but I do feel the stress and strong need to vent out or to seek help. Your write up is a great motivator for me. i

    • Please talk to a professional once. Sometimes very small and easy steps can be big help.

      I started to write articles blog a year back when my counselor suggested this & I think this is MY world now where I feel myself, talk what I feel strongly about & thus a lot of my negativity is channelized into positive direction & I feel myself again. A small step, a big impact.

  12. Seriously i have gone through this where i have wept for no reason and there used to be silly fights between my husbands…I was with my parents and i had great support and i did overcome it in a short period of time..

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