Involved Father – # 2 of 7 Parenting Mantras that helped my sanity

posted in: Parenting | 24

When you become a parent, life takes a 360 degree turn. The schedules change, the priorities changes, the grocery & shopping list changes. Moreover the sleep & food patterns also changes. In most cases, this applies usually to the mother. Barring the first few days when everyone is happy & excited and is concerned about recovery of the mother & health of the newborn, the whole family is actively involved in taking care of them. But in a lot of families, this phases out in few weeks time & then the major responsibility of taking care of herself, her newborn as well as a lot more falls into the lap of the new mother.

 

Well, Luckily for me, I am married to a man who has been an Involved Parent from day 1 & even today when my daughters are over 2.5 years, he still is as active as he was on day 1. Well, of course the responsibilities & dynamics have changed, but his involvement & dedication is still undying.

 

I always say that with infant Twins, you need two mothers. Thankfully my daughters had a father who was involved in their upbringing as much as a mother would. He has been not just a great father, but also HALF MOTHER, leaving me with the role to be played of only One & Half Mother.

 

Here is a list of 5 Phases in which an “Actively Involved Father” turned out to be a blessing 

 

  • When I delivered my twin daughters in 35th week of pregnancy via C-Section, It was just him & me present at the hospital. In fact throughout the pregnancy it was always just him & me. Needless to say, at times when I was vulnerable or sick, it by default became his responsibility to comfort me, pamper me & at times even spoil me. Well, he played his role very well. From giving me foot rubs to making sure the fridge was always full of milk & fruits, from taking charge of house budget to accompanying me to all my hospital visits, he was always there for me.

 

  • The most stressing phase of parenting was the initial days when I was still recovering from the C-Section surgery, was struggling to establish breastfeeding, getting in sync with the sleeping, feeding & pooping patterns of my daughters. This is when actively involved hands-on daddy came for my rescue.  My mother & him took turns to take care of kids, while I was expected to get up only to feed the kids. His organization did not offer a paternity leave, but he took a month off from work & used to take care kids from feeding to diapering, massaging to dressing them up during the day time. The only task left for my mom was to bathe them.

 

  • At the time my girls were 3 weeks old, it was time for my mother to go back to her home, her usual life. Needless to say, without a full time help or any elder around, it was going to be difficult for us to raise our kids alone. The day and night pooping & feeding was yet to settle, the schedules & sleep patterns were yet to kick in. To tackle the situation we worked out a schedule. He started taking charge of kids for 3 hours in morning before going for office when I would go to a separate room & just sleep. Similarly in evening after coming back from office he used to handle kids & their duties for 4 hours & again I would sleep. This ways neither my health nor his work was interrupted & both of us stretched a little more & took good care of kids too.

 

  •  The real test began when kids started to grow & their demands were more mental than just basics & physical. We decided to Home-school our kids and got actively involved in their mental, cognitive, sensory, language & of course physical development. Daddy would take up charge of 1 – 2 feedings to make sure we had a parity when it came to Self Feeding. I would prepare a daily structure & prepare material & he would take 1 hour out in evening to help them with the activities planned for them. Although I was just a Stay at Home mother, but I too needed a break – which I very well used to get.

 

  • The biggest support from an involved father came in when I decided to join back work. It was practically impossible for me to be able to work, continue with the learning & developmental activities for kids as well as have some time still left for myself, if I had to do it all alone. Thankfully, I didn’t have to to it all alone. Once again our Superman – Daddy-man came to the rescue. All this involvement was helpful in our girls getting comfortable with daddy as a primary caregiver as much as mummy. We decided to ditch a full time help or daycare for our daughters, not loose the rigor on the developmental activities we do & yet have a professional life again. How did we manage? well, that’s a whole long story for may be a whole new article, but yes, it was possible only because my husband was there to help, plan & support his family through this.

 

 

Thank you Daddy

 

 

This blog is written as a part of a series of 7 blogs on the theme of 7 Parenting Mantras that Helped my Sanity written as a part of BarAThon 2017.

You can read my previous blog in the series here – Babywearing – Parenting Mantras that Helped my Sanity (Click for direct link)

You can read Blog by a fellow blogger Vasantha on the topic of 7 Everyday Practices of Mindful Moms, who is also participating in Bar-A-Thon HERE & follow her on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram

24 Responses

  1. Isha Batra

    Beautifully Penned down. Could actually relate to everything you mentioned. Thank you for sharing.

  2. We also had a schedule when my twins were babies! Boy, it was pretty overwhelming!!!
    Thank God for husbands who are more of a friend!

  3. This is absolutely true. It’s not only a mother’s job, and with twins it’s tougher. I’m glad our husbands understand this and are an equal partner in parenting!

  4. Heart warming post it was, Shalu. You are blessed. I feel happy about you. Stay loved and stay happy always dear. Convey my special wishes to your hubby. My love and hugs to your cute little angels. And much thanks for the mention.

  5. We all need such support systems on ur side, I truly second you that yes father’s today are evolved. When I see my better half and daughter their bond and his understanding towards her is quite magical
    Lovely post

  6. Thats very cool article about us, Thanks Shalu.

  7. This is a hearftfelt thanks to daddy dearest from lovely daughters! A very lovely post

  8. […] To read another interesting blog about parenting from a fellow mom blogger click here. […]

  9. momtasticworld

    A strong support system is a huge plus when it comes to parenthood. Involved parenting is a must if we want to raise happy and responsible kids. Thank you for sharing this wonderful blog.

  10. […] You can also read previous my articles in this chain – Involved Father – # 2 of 7 Parenting Mantras that Helped my Sanity. […]

  11. This is so heart warming.

  12. Involved fathers are truly an asset! This is a beautiful post.

  13. We as a parents always beleive in equal parenting. which means Fathers have to be involved in all child activities. I loved the post.

  14. Shashi JI: feature ho hi gae. Hard work pays off u know 😛
    well no wonder he is just amazing

  15. Truly said! An involved father is a blessing. So happy to see men taking up the charge.

  16. Truly said. An involved father is a blessing. So happy to see men learning to take the charge.

  17. Beautiful post. Daddy is a superman at all times. Cheers to all fathers who help in parenting.

  18. Beautiful post..Totally agree with dad’s involved in parenting..I can always proudly say MY dad has brought up me and my bro..Fed us..Bathed us..I think it is truly a blessing

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  19. Beautifully written and I can truly relate to this one…And I am glad how these gen X dad’s have made the world proud of them.

  20. SO nice to read about a superman of your family😃 you and your girls indeed are lucky souls to have him!

  21. Involvement of fathers makes everyone’s life easy. Glad that you have superman in your family 🙂

  22. Oh twins means double the responsibility and double the fun. So Glad that daddy helped you at all times.

  23. Your man is the true form of God that comes with the kids. A true blessing in every situation

  24. what a lovely read! Can totally resonate with this because my husband helped me a lot with my twins too – and i know its impossible without them!

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