Gentle Parenting – # 3 of 7 Parenting Mantras that Helped my Sanity

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Welcome aboard this Blog Train – My Parenting Mantra. We have some awesome bloggers who are going to drive it for over a month. We promise to bring you some enriching contents that will add to your own parenting experience. Following the blog train, I will be writing about 1 of the 7 Parenting Mantras that Helped my Sanity – Gentle Parenting. Click on the picture below to see the list of all bloggers participating in this awesome Blog Train.

 

Thanks to Sneha  who blogs at www.blogsikka.com for introducing me. You can read her entry for The Blog Train HERE.

 

 

 

Thinking of your child as ‘Behaving Badly’ disposes you to think of punishment.

Thinking of your child as struggling to handle something difficult encourages you to help them through their distress.

This mantra somehow was not a concept that I stumbled upon during pregnancy or during the journey of Parenting, like a lot other choices of mine. This was embedded into my sub-conscious mind ever since I remember. Sometimes the experiences of our childhood, whether they be positive or negative, stay with us forever & we make sure to implement all the good things we have seen our role models doing as well as avoid the negative ones.

 

I have seen the impact of Gentle & Positive Parenting growing up & I always wished to be a parent who is Gentle as well as Positive. Was it easy till now? Of course not. With the fast running life full of stress & being surrounded by a lot of people who think hitting or yelling at kids is OK sometimes, it was very difficult to keep calm & positive all the time. It definitely needed constant effort & was very tiring. But it’s so rewarding that now when I look back at the efforts vs. the results, I think it was a great win.

 

What worked in my favor was, when I was doing my Fellowship with Teach for India & got a first hand experience to be with kids, my beliefs & values of being a positive & Gentle parent in future became more stringer. I realized that happiness & positive vibe is infectious & is much more easier than being Grumpy, pessimist & yell all the time. Ultimately when I became a parent, I knew what & how I need to be.

 

Being Gentle

 

Here are 5 times being a Gentle & Positive Parent Paid up

 

  • Sleep Through the Night – The initial few months of parenting are any which ways tough, & with twins who just dont want to get into a routine of sleeping, it gets tougher. It probably took my girls a longer time than average to get into a sleep schedule. I was never in favor of Sleep Training them & I never did. They started to sleep through the night with 3 feeding breaks by the time they were 5+ months. This was the time that being Gentle & Positive was not a habit yet & was most difficult because of sleep deprivation. But soon I realized that it had a positive impact on them. It was high time it became a habit & a part of my personality.

 

  • Self Feeding – The most revealing phase was when we introduced our daughters to the world of self feeding. I had seen a lot of members in my family & friend circle, neighborhood & around running behind their kids with a plate in their hand trying to feed them. I had no energy & intentions to do that. We just used to sit with a plate of food & served the same to them. Gently encouraging them to eat got them also into habit of self feeding. Of course they too have their preferences & there are days when they just dont want to eat, but not having a Clean Plate policy & not forcing them to eat the food has helped me in long run. Our outings are much more relaxed as they eat on their own.

 

 

  • Potty Training – This is one thing I have been advised & judged a lot on. But I was always very clear that I will not start potty training my girls till they were totally ready & mentally prepared for it. I always encouraged them by announcing every time I had to use a washroom & telling how grown up people always use washroom instead of diapers. They started to show interest on their own & that’s when I knew they are ready. Once we started, they were trained in no time. It didn’t require any stressful situation, yelling or labeling. All it called for a little positive reinforcement & motivation. Yes of-course we still have occasional accidents, but again handling them calmly & gently helps my girls in developing confidence in themselves & their bodily functions.

 

  • Starting the Playschool – Sometimes internet has a tendency to make you over worried for a situation that might not even need that much worrying. One such fear in my mind developed thanks to the stories on internet was the Anxiety phase when starting with Playschool. Just like Potty Training, I was always clear that I will begin Playschool when my girls are totally ready for is. Till then we used to talk a lot about school, how it’s a happy place full of colorful activities, friends, dance & music etc. This encouragement helped my daughters to settle in the playschool in no time. One of them didn’t cry even once, while one had a bit of anxiety during our good byes. Keeping the good byes positive & fun helped her overcoming that anxiety too in no time.

 

 

  • Being Independent & Happy – What else can a parent ask for if their children dont have to depend on them for all small needs of them. It makes me so happy to see my daughters so carefree, fearless & independent in their approach. It not only reduces my day to day load as a mother, but is also preparing them to become better individuals as they grow up. Seeing a set of parents who equally & actively get involved in all things, whether it be dad serving food, clearing the table or mom working & going to meetings etc, it definitely has a long lasting impact on them & will make them more equity driven & compassionate in long run.

 

 

But again, being a Gentle & Positive parent doesn’t mean you never let your child cry or give in to their unreasonable demands. But it means you are there for the kid when he cries or is unreasonable to talk to them & help them understand that life is not always favorable & not always all demands are met. At the end of the day kids should feel safe & secure in expressing themselves without any fear of being judged, yelled at or getting hurt – physically or emotionally.

 

Does this mean I am a Gentle & Positive Parent 100% of times. No, there have been moments in parenting when I have also lost my calm. And there are no excises for that. I take full responsibility of not being gentle all the time – I wish to be & I wish I always was!!

 

 

 

 

 

This blog is written as a part of a series of 7 blogs on the theme of 7 Parenting Mantras that Helped my Sanity written as a part of BarAThon 2017.

 

You can also read previous my articles in this chain – Involved Father – # 2 of 7 Parenting Mantras that Helped my Sanity.

 

Enjoyed reading My Parenting Mantra? Don’t forget to read what our next blogger mom Misha Jain, who apart from being a blogger also happens to be my Best Friend & who blogs HERE says about her Parenting Mantra. Also, do comment and let us know your opinions. We are all ears.

36 Responses

  1. Self feeding is hard – one was happy to eat on his Owen and the other one was like I’m happy to not eat if I need to eat it myself!!!
    Nice post!!!

  2. I can so totally relate to this. I also believe in letting babyT be ready for things like potty training and weaning off breastmilk. Let’s see how that goes. Gentle parenting does develop happy, independent and confident children.

  3. Hope every new mom will definitely get benefited by your gentle parenting tips, Shalu. Nicely written. Feeling happy to join with you in both – blog train and Bar-A-Thon.

  4. What a beautiful post. I find it very difficult to practice mindfulness hence gentle parenting is a challenge for me. I have always wished I could do this but it sucks yp all my energy
    I am in awe of how you do it

  5. I too am an advocate of gentle parenting.. While some of the aspects might seem a bit tough initially they definitely help in the long run

  6. […] Welcome aboard this blog train – My Parenting Mantra. We have some awesome bloggers who are going to drive it for over a month. We promise to bring you some enriching contents that will add to your own parenting experience. Thanks to Shalu who blogs at Dreamer mum for introducing me. You can read her entry for The Blog Train Here […]

  7. Picked a few pointers from your post. Lovely read!

  8. I learnt the art of gentle parenting over time. However I still lose my calm many times . But at those times, I take a moment and think about my teaching days, when I never lost my calm with children. Sometimes you take your own child for granted . I guess I am learning.

  9. Gentle Parenting is a misread term these days. Your article throws a good light upon it.very informative and well needed article.

  10. momtasticworld

    Wonderful pointers. I can definitely relate with self eating bit and prepping her for school bit as she will soon be joining school. Thank you for sharing this.

  11. Lovely tips. The eating part I couldn’t agree with much. Such lovely ideas.

  12. Beautiful post. Potty training and play school are 2 i find my connect with. Some lovely tips are here for new moms.

  13. I agree if parents ever wish to have independent and happy children😍🙌 they shoyld follow positive and gentle parenting

  14. I love reading your blogs. Yes I agree independent child will be a leader tomorrow.

  15. I have started 2 points..1 ..self feeding and 2.. potty training…

    • The Dreamer Mum

      All the best Ira. I hope Positive Parenting helps you achieve these 2 stress-free.

  16. Self feeding is the most difficult task according to me

  17. aaahh.. shalu thanks for your gentle parenting that my kids are much easier and lesser cranky. it certainly does work

  18. I think gentle training is going to be my mantra too 🙂

  19. So love for ur twins n kudos to your handling them with so ease

  20. Such a beautiful post..I totally believe in gentle parenting where i have never stressed on potty training but she learnt on her own in play school..Yes it is challenging but it is nice when we give them their pace to understand and learn

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  21. […] Reading – You can also read about How Gentle & Positive Parenting Helped my Sanity (Click for direct […]

  22. Self feeding is what even I have followed…I literally don’t have patience to run around the house with a plate in my hand. And thank God!! it wasn’t even needed.

  23. Shalu your blogs have such a nice aura about you and your parenting style. You are a very sensitive and wonderful parent and I really agree to the points you have mentioned in the posts.

  24. These are some amazing pointers mama!!! Oh yes starting the playschool has helped me a lot to regain mt sanity back! Atleast I got some me time like going to washroom or eating my breakfast peacefully😜

  25. Shalu your girls are so lovely. Self feeding and potty training are the mantras that I also applied and felt blessed

  26. I totally go with gentle parenting – specially on extremely stressful days. It takes a twin parent to know the level of frustration a fellow mom can get in to.

  27. Positivity helps in more happiness, all I felt through your post

  28. Your pArenting mantra truly is inspiring… My girls too self feed most of the times.. i have had the most messiest eating sessions with them …But that’s how they learn…

  29. To be honest this is one of the best ones… simply awesome. These might need a little more hard work but it definitely pays to make kids independent right from the start

  30. This is the best I’ve read on parenting till now! I am learning a lot from amazing mamas like you 🙂 This is sure to help me in future.

  31. Firstly such adorable pictures.
    Gentle and Positive parenting is such a good mantra which not only bring up happy and healthy kids but also POSITIVE kids who are ready to take on any situation head on!
    Self sufficient is something which even I worked on when she was in that age… having her own meals, washing hands, keeping her plate back in kitchen, taking care of toys etc.. we both worked on it when it was req the most and today I am reaping the happy results.
    Lovely post Shalu

  32. superb bloog. infact one of the best ones. these points might need a little more hard work but it will definitely pay off in future

  33. Lovely pictures Shalu and yes I swear by the potty training mantra! My mum was after my life that I was not training Zuzu for that! But I always felt that there is a certain time for that.I followed my gut and Zu, is almost trained now!

  34. Hey Totally enjoyed reading your parenting mantra. You really are clear on how to take direction from your kids I appreciate that a lot. I am sure a lot of parents would benefit from your experience. Thanks for the lovely post 🙂

  35. Such a wonderful post . Totally agree that gentle Parenting develop confident and indipendent childrens.

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