Few days back I was reading about Meena Kandasamy and her upcoming book WHEN I HIT YOU – a story about how she came out of a marriage full of abuse, her courage & her grit reminded me of a dear friend & I decided to write this letter to her without disclosing her identity.
Dear Friend P,
It’s not everyday that we meet people who inspire us. It’s not everyday that an incident changes us, our perspective & our outlook towards life completely. You my friend, have been a part of me, my life, my personality that I can never part with.
I am writing this letter to thank you.Thank you for being bold & courageous enough to walk out of an abusive family back then.
It was during the college days. We had just hit our 20s. You were always the “Nice One” and I was always the “Helpful One”. Who could have imagined we can be the “Bold Ones” too? Probably we always were this bold, but never faced a situation that made us realize we were! As fresh in memory as yesterday, I can never forget the incident that took place 12 years back.
The classes were over & we all were just chilling in college campus when suddenly I heard someone shouting your name from the college gate. Now I know, back then I didn’t knew they were your brother & cousins looking for you. As soon as you walked to them, the younger one – the one with a hot head & young blood started to hit you and abuse you. And for what? Because you were in love with someone who wasn’t according to the societal standards “FIT” for you? The campus was full of those 20 something young boys & girls who were standing & watching this as mute spectators. This whole drama was taking place on the main gate of the college, in front of the main road. There were at least 50 people – passerby public, college students – all mute spectators watching & waiting to see what will happen next.
I could see your eyes trying to stop themselves from crying, trying to save themselves from meeting other eyes to save embarrassment, trying to look around to see if someone would come forward to help! No one did… Just like everyone else, I was fuming from inside – “Why is no-one helping her?” Who was going to be that someone if everyone kept looking at each other.
Well, I decided I wont be ‘Those People’ anymore. Suddenly something snapped inside me & I became ‘That person’. I ran towards your cousin & started screaming on top of my voice “STOP IT! JUST STOP IT” While trying to stop him from hitting P, probably I too got a taste of few slaps, but I kept screaming at him & he did stop.
“It’s our family matter” he said
“Then handle it when at home.”
“Who the hell are you?” he asked
“Doesn’t matter. Go away.”
“You will repent this P. And you, I will see you soon.” he said to both of us
Was I scared? yes, to the core. But did that matter? Not anymore. For the first time in my life I realized how important it is to be bold, how important it is to take a stand in life, how important it is to be there for others. I did have to face consequences too for this later, but by then I was not scared at all.
The best thing that happened due to this was that you walked out of that abusive family. You made a family of your own. I feel proud of you & the man in your life. The man who was thought to be not “FIT” for you as per the society’s norms… The same man who went out of his way to make sure you were always happy! The man who is in a lot many ways inspiration for all men around! The man I always see as an inspiration. Today when I see you happy, I see the power of courage.
So, Thank you for being bold. Thank you for making me bolder. Today whenever I take a stand in life or fight for someone, I know how this part of my personality was discovered somewhere because of you – for you.
Suggested Reading – Will you be able to identify the signs of Abuse if your child or any other child you know is going through it? Read this article to help understand those signs – WE ARE WITH YOU, MY CHILD (Click for direct link)